Well. That didn’t work.

In an amazing and completely foreseeable turn of events, I was unable to create dedicated writing time for the last three months. Lets go down the path, shall we?

How it began

Three months ago, I looked back on how little writing I had done on my blog with curiosity and concern. An activity that had been a staple of my time – and one I had enjoyed immensely – had withered and died as my focus shifted elsewhere. My time blogging was now something I reflected on fondly and with a little sorrow that I had not maintained it, but I no longer actively participated in. I became curious to see if I had lost my love for something I had once so enjoyed, or if I simply needed to sit behind the chair, stick to some discipline, and re-discover the joy of weekly writing once again.

Additionally, I aspired to also be a better writer here, not only in the fundamental manner of editing, spelling, and grammar, but also in ways that reflected what I have experienced as a writer through creating my own Setting for D&D, communicating my experiences, and sharing my work beyond the web. The plan was to write three months worth of articles, edit them properly, add appropriate links and images. I was also going to overhaul the website to make it stronger and more appealing; I wanted to tread the path of a professional.

The subject matter of the articles was also going to be that which I loved and was excited for, delving into the deep recess of world-building, dredging up long neglected concepts of monsters, adventures, creatures, traps and dangers. There is no end to the amount of campaign setting I can create and it is thrilling to see my visions take form to become something greater than simply nonsense trapped within my head. I was ready. It was time to begin again.

How its going

Shit. Its going like shit. Honestly, I have a single, barely-concepted pile of words that could not be construed as an article by even 1996 me. It is on the Torgan – My species of snapping-turtle like humanoids living in the swamps and marshes of Tysis, who are often part of the Blackscale communities that live there. I love the Torgan, think they are a cool and interesting part of my world and yet I have nothing to show. NO other topics were even touched: No deep dives into giant civilizations, explainers on the Caparans, or delves into what arcane methodologies the Modresto utilize. All those lofty goals fizzled into nothingness once the deadlines were removed. Future me future me would tackle that somewhere down the road. Even now, I am writing this on the second Tuesday in January, the day after I want the article to be published, and editing it on Sunday morning.

All of this was, and should have been – and looking back I probably had more than an inkling – absolutely predictable. Nothing in my personality or lifetime of experiences has led me to believe that any other result could be possible. Regardless, I desired it to be untrue, and so it was. I wanted to believe that I was a person who is capable of building a schedule and making sure that each step was done at the appropriate time, with an appropriate time frame, and given its appropriate leeway. I wanted to believe that I am something that I am not, that I have skills that I do not. To be very honest, I don’t have any right to those beliefs and desires, as I have not honed and trained those skills in order to gain those aptitudes, and my brain very routinely sabotages it with its alternative desires. This failure is mine – and is very predictable.

Complications

So, what happened. Aside from simply saying that I failed – which is true – there is little use in it if I don’t take a step back and analyze why I got here, and how I can do better in the future. Where did all that time go? What did I do when I was supposed to be writing. It was only once or twice a week so it should have been easy to ensure an appropriate schedule was maintained.

First, time gets away from me fairly regularly. In addition to my failure to write, I have also failed to paint any miniatures, maintain my WoW characters (both retail and SoD), and to do any deck upgrades for Commander – each of which were big goals for me, and had their own dedicated time throughout the week set aside for them. The schedule I had set up ensured that I would spend time doing all my hobbies equally, and not over-saturate myself with but a single one.

Monday: D&D and then some WoW maintenance.
Tuesday: WoW Raid
Wednesday: article writing
Thursday: Painting Miniatures
Friday: Video Game Time.

Its all very basic, you see!

I hope you can see where this is going.

Was Fallout 76 where you saw it going? Because its not where I saw it going. Its an ancient game released in 2018 – I know. While the original experience I had was extremely negative, I came back to it at following a few positive anecdotes from friends and relatives, and have been playing it on and off for greater than three years. Now, it seems, is the greatest of the “on” moments. Many of my hours – both free and allocated, have been spent playing the game. It’s absurdly satisfying and I am going to do need to do a write up for it, which I hope to get to next week (editor’s note. It has taken three weeks to edit and publish this and I still haven’t even started the FO76 article) as a call back to how I started this blog: writing about the video game I am currently playing. I don’t do reviews and ratings as such, and don’t talk about the systems overly much, but I really enjoy spending time recounting my experiences – something I find woefully lacking in other spaces: I wonder if they could even put the requisite time and energy into any game if they are writing and publishing a week prior to launch.

Alongside Fallout, I have attempted to set aside time to update my Campaign Setting to the 5.5 (2024? I don’t know what the nomenclature is going to end up being) version of D&D. Backgrounds have been specifically frustrating in this regard. In the original writing, I stayed away from feats, finding them notoriously difficult to balance, but backgrounds no longer contain anything close to the background abilities from the previous iteration (2014), and each one contains a feats which is available both during and after character creation. In order to update my settings Backgrounds, I need to create my own feats, but if they are too good they will become mandatory – something I really dislike. Spending the time it takes to deliberate, build, write, solicit feedback, and repeat the cycle again has required significantly more brainpower than I had allocated and has drained my grey matter to a point where I don’t want to read about, talk about, or have anything to do with rules and world-building. A difficult mindset for someone revising a homebrew world, and one which has contributed significantly towards Fallout being my no-brain activity. (There is a very good reason I’ve not pursued Elden Ring particularly far, though I have a real desire too.)

With the Feats were completed, the work on the rest of the rules has continued and significant progress has been made, but once again an obstacle has emerged: formatting has proven frustratingly obtuse. I use Adobe – for now – and Indesign is great, but it is both particular and finicky – especially with images, backgrounds, and copy-paste. Nothing in it is simple. Designing a document from scratch to resemble a portion of a massive, already extant, document and linking it across numerous other documents has been a colossal pain in the ass.

Another task I had stacking up (you might be able to see why my concept was doomed from the start) was terrain pieces for D&D that were literally piling up behind me. 60% completed and occupying space on my craft table, I want them completed and ready to use at the table. Winter came along fairly slowly, and I was convinced there would be time to prime them all and be ready for the a big winter project. Of course, I did not. The pieces there could be completed, however, called out to me. I’ve done enough work to make them look complete, even if I would like to improve them further.

In a different, much more enjoyable, vein, I have also read a book, (editor’s note: And an additional one since starting this article!) and am attempting to set aside more time to read overall. Its hard, though, as my body feels like its always exhausted – always on the verge of simply passing out – unless I’m doing something very active, very busy. Writing and painting and moving are all very active… activities, so those keep me awake. The sedentary nature of movies and reading, however, have been hard on me, and difficult for to endure for prolonged periods. I can’t even get 2 hours of reading in without needing multiple breaks. Returning to a proper sleep schedule would help, but I’m skeptical I can get there anytime soon; I am trying.

The book was the absolutely fantastic, though perhaps to scholarly for some, “A Magical Medieval Society: Western Europe” by Joseph Browning and Suzi Lee. Its a “3rd edition” supplement, but it doesn’t really interact with the rules directly. Instead, the book is a fascinating dive into how a fantasy medieval setting would be structured, and what should be taken into account given the existence of magical powers, items, spells and monsters. Its a 200 page book , and an amazingly fascinating read. I strongly recommend it for all sorts of world builders, even if they aren’t looking to turn their world into a 12th century simulator. The chapters on lords, vassalage, religion and peasants are all fascinating reads that help flesh out the motivations, personalities and basic life of people within the setting who aren’t PC’s. I thoroughly enjoyed it and will put it to use in my mind, even if I don’t reference it every session.

Lastly – and most trivially – is this stupid website itself. I am deeply unsatisfied with it, from its form, layout and design, to is very function and how past posts are displayed and categorized. I really enjoy when a website has solid categorization and is simple and easy to use with proper navigation, but I don’t have the knowledge on how to curate that or build it. As a solo operator its been difficult enough learning and employing all the various skills needed. It’s much more than I want to shoulder.

Where do I go from here.

All of that is said, in so many words, to bring myself to the decision point: Do I build these habits and create a system that works for me, do I phone it in, or do I call it off all together. The first two articles back in October indicated that I was on the cusp of powering the whole thing down and hitting the kill switch.

Even now, writing and editing this article over three weeks, I don’t know that abandoning ship is the wrong decision. The desire to create and put my thoughts into the world is so strong, though. I want to be able to build and share these ideas I have knocking around in my brain – even if its only with the ether. I have so many cool ideas – and numerous complete flops – that have been polished by me writing about them. That the act of publishing it helps refine and codify it, transforming it from internal nonsense into a weird truth that means something – even if it is only to myself.

For now, then, I will keep moving forward with articles, and I will try to have them out every week. Attempting to balance the allure of other hobbies with the desire to publish is taxing. Even this one, written on little more than a whim with the knowledge that the audience is small, even potentially zero, was still fun and invigorating. Fuel to continue. There are even article ideas within it – some obvious and others a bit more obscure. And, it’s January, so I can consider finding the best metal lists of 2024. Perhaps a return to that will motivate me.

Before I go, if anyone knows of someone looking to redesign/build/create a website around the spaghetti framework I have now, or knows someone with the expertise and skill to put one together and guide how it should go, have them reach out to me. It would be nice to have a guide along the way – someone to help me not just flounder in the darkness.

Until next time,

Jonathon.